Not liking it. Good that you're using all the comments. But that last one seems really crowbarred in. Also, it's not really clear it's children until the voiceover comes in. I think people might have thought it was hoodies at first. Also, hunting children? I think as an exaggeration it hasn't been taken far enough. It comes off as too contrived. Either try to make it look real, or exaggerate it totally.
While I don’;t have any significant debt, I also have no savings. My 18-month goal is to save an amount sufficient to allow me to travel for a year (leaving in June 2013) while renting out my house. I am earning enough to get by now —; but spending obscene amounts at my favorite bookstores and fabric stores. Perhaps by visiting the library and using up the stacks of fabric I ALREADY HAVE, and cooking smarter, I can save enough for my trip. I can do this!
I want to think my good friend, Lisa.She helped me when I was helpless,let me stayed at her home for two monthes,took care of me,even borrowed me some money.I never forget her kindness.I glad I have her.